• Reason #65 not to mess with the Olsen twins: they might get mad and stab you with their protruding sternums.

• Unsatisfied with only being the shadow investor of Radar, Ron Burkle pays $1.2 billion cash for 78 of Primedia’s crappy magazines.

• The future of News Corp.’s bid for Dow Jones might rest in some shitty town in New Mexico.

• Ron Burkle buys up Primedia Magazine Group, the first of many steps towards his ultimate goal of world domination.

• Meanwhile, Joe Francis reportedly spends the majority of his prison days sobbing uncontrollably. Except for those few precious hours when he’s getting brutally sodomized instead.

Original post by Perez and software by Elliott Back