As we already know, renegade WWD reporter/creepy faux-firefighter Peter Braunstein was recently convicted for torturing and sexually molesting a former co-worker, and for doing unspeakable things with a fireman’s pole.

As we also know, Braunstein harbored delusions of killing Vogue’s Anna Wintour, which&mto us, at least—seemed both humorous and disturbing, and sparked ingenious punchlines, such as “Braunstein admits to plotting death of Anna Wintour; jeopardizes basis for his insanity plea”*

And, as we learn today, Mr. Braunstein may not have been entirely responsible for his deviant sexual role-playing attack after all. Apparently, society’s to blame! Which, according to the New York Times means, this wasn’t a case of “Crazy Guy Tortures Virtual Stranger For No Reason” so much as it was the launching pad for “The Devil Wears Prada” defense.

Something strange happened in court during the Braunstein “fire fiend” trial. That was the moment when Anna Wintour’s name came up as someone Mr. Braunstein had fantasized about killing. It began to dawn on everyone, from spectators and reporters to, perhaps, the prosecution, that they were about to witness the first use in a high-profile criminal case of the “Devil Wears Prada” defense.

BONUS: Braunstein’s crazy, grammatically inept diary entries are suddenly heart-wrenching cries for help, his incompetent lawyers are now innovative geniuses and author Lauren Weisberger is currently a prescient literati rather than an embittered—and unimaginative—former slave!

And, evidently, the more irrelevant literary and cultural references, the better.

In explaining the patented ‘Devil Wears Prada’ defense, the Times manages to compare victim/convicted criminal Peter Braunstein to everyone from Heathcliff, to Ugly Betty to, of course, Andrea Sachs (The Devil Wears Prada). And let’s not forget Carrie, who was referenced for “becoming a monster” after being humiliated, though the “going batshit insane and trying to burn everyone” analogy might have worked even better.

But he was also a seemingly willful misfit, according to former colleagues, someone with bad clothes, bad hair and tone-deaf social etiquette, on the order of Heathcliff, Ugly Betty and, yes, Andrea Sachs, the Wintour character’s clueless assistant in “Devil,” in a world that prized all the opposite qualities.

It was not so different, perhaps, from high school, and in the end, after his dismissal, he became a monster, Stephen King’s Carrie, humiliated at the prom.

Which totally explains everything! After all, by epitomizing a litany of misfits (dating from 19th century literature to modern-day primetime television) poor Braunstein never really stood a chance.

In fact, there’s only one thing we don’t totally get.

Wasn’t Heathcliff actually sort of hot? Not, like, conventionally handsome, but didn’t he at least possess that swarthy/gipsy/bastard son animal sex appeal?** That’s how we always pictured him, but then again, we only got an A- on that “Wuthering Heights” college term paper. (Of course, that may also have been because we misspelled our professor’s name, but that’s neither here nor there).

Suffice it to say, we don’t buy the “Devil Wears Prada” defense for a second, because (a) everyone has wanted to kill Anna Wintour at one time or another (b) everyone knows how it feels to be a societal outcast, however most people don’t subsequently go off the deep end and brutally torture someone while dressed as a member of the FDNY.

In conclusion, Peter “Ugly Betty” Braunstein’s all kinds of fucked up. And his penmanship could really use some work.

* Zing!
** You know, like Benicio del Toro!

Original post by Perez and software by Elliott Back