Not one to let Lindsay Lohan steal the crazyperson spotlight, Britney Spears has reportedly gone on an open-door peeing, fried chicken eating, couture gown-ruining rampage.

“It was like a cry for help really, it wasn’t normal,” says OK! magazine’s editor-in-chief Sarah Ivens, an unbiased witness to the meltdown, who clearly has zero motivation to exaggerate slightly in an obvious attempt to boost mag sales.

And while we’re not sure exactly what did or didn’t happen at the “disastrous photo shoot,” Page Six and the Daily News have both done their homework (read: purchased their requisite copies of OK! magazine) and have helpfully broken it down for us.

“Brit was wandering around, ‘babbling like a baby,’ and ‘fondling her breasts,’ according to the Post. Meanwhile, the Daily News was kind enough to reduce the lengthy—and, no doubt, intellectually challenging article—into a few easy-to-read bullets.

“According to OK!,” writes the NYDN, “during the interview, Britney [did each of the following]:”

• Wiped her greasy hands on a $274 designer gown during lunch.

• Let her puppy poop on a $6,700 Zac Posen gown.

• Took frequent bathroom breaks - with the door open! - and even brought her assistant in with her.

• Insisted her “friends,” not the hired professionals, do her hair and makeup while complaining that the wardrobe provided by the mag’s stylists wasn’t “sexy,” “short” or “tight” enough.

• Fled the shoot and interview before it was over - still wearing $14,526 worth of OK!’s borrowed clothing.

We haven’t seen the pictures yet (assuming it’s something more than these not-very-scandalous shots on Mollygood) but we’ll be sorely disappointed if there isn’t at one measly in focus, close-up shot of the Zac Posen dress…before and after the infamous pooper-scooper incident.

Meanwhile, if you’ve already read OK! and still haven’t got your Britney fix yet, (a) you’re probably not-so-sane yourself, and (b) there’s always this to tide you over.

Original post by Perez Hilton and software by Elliott Back