After news first broke of the Butterscotch Stallion’s attempted suicide, we figured we’d go straight to the most reliable source we could think of: the angry mob. And based on the comments from this ABC story alone, Wilson’s hospitalization has evoked everything from heartfelt sympathy to bitch comments about his wonky nose.

But first, confusion.

“Why would someone with a good life want to attempt suicide?” wonders Rick J. Alemany, who seems to have missed the point somehow. Fortunately, however, the ever-helpful megrim1 has the answer.

“If I looked like Owen Wilson, I would have tried to kill myself a long time ago,” he/she explains.

Classy!

Meanwhile, pgogger pipes in with an important question. “Seriously?? ABC News is publishing info from the Star and National Enquirer?!?’

Indeed! But its catchersmitt09 who proves to be the voice of reason, and ultimately sums up our reaction:

“I feel only compassion for the man, after a friend of mine killed himself last fall. But I’m sure the reporters and the photographers will go out of their way to make this ordeal all that much more painful for Wilson.”

Unfortunately, we couldn’t agree more.

In fact, we give it less than 24 hours before TMZ starts milking Wilson’s apparent suicide attempt into a 20-post exploitation (a la Lohan).

Still to be determined: whether Leno or Letterman cracks the first “Actor Owen Wilson reportedly attempts suicide after being subjected to repeated viewings of You, Me and Dupree” joke.

Early favorite: Letterman.

Original post by Perez Hilton and software by Elliott Back